Category: Other Stuff

I recently received a link to an important article on the LDS Church News site regarding the sanctity of marriage. This November, voters in Florida, Arizona and California will have the opportunity to vote for a constitutional amendment protecting marriage. I urge you to become informed and take a stand on this significant issue. As the article states, “traditional marriage is essential to society as a whole, and especially to its children”.

You can start by reading the article: The Divine Institution of Marriage

The article illustrates very clearly why marriage between a man and a woman should be preserved and protected. The primary purpose of marriage is to nurture children and teach them to be responsible, moral adults. “Extensive studies have shown that in general a husband and wife united in a loving, committed marriage provide the optimal environment for children to be protected, nurtured, and raised.“

The article concludes with the following:

“Strong, stable families, headed by a father and mother, are the anchor of civilized society. When marriage is undermined by gender confusion and by distortions of its God-given meaning, the rising generation of children and youth will find it increasingly difficult to develop their natural identity as a man or a woman. Some will find it more difficult to engage in wholesome courtships, form stable marriages, and raise yet another generation imbued with moral strength and purpose.

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has chosen to become involved, along with many other churches, organizations, and individuals, in defending the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman because it is a compelling moral issue of profound importance to our religion and to the future of our society.

“The final line in the Proclamation on the Family is an admonition to the world from the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve: “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” This is the course charted by Church leaders, and it is the only course of safety for the Church and for the nation.”

Ant Bug: “What if we had a real snake in our house?”

Nurture Mama: “Hmmm. I don’t know. What would we do?”

Ant Bug: ” We would have to get a new house. The snake could have this one.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if the answers to all of life’s questions were so obvious!

Have you picked up your August 2008 Ensign yet? I was thrilled to discover two excellent parenting articles included in the issue.

Grasshoppers, Purple Bathtubs, and Other Surprises struck a familiar chord with me. Like myself, the author studied child development in college and learned the scientific principles behind parenting. But real life doesn’t always serve up what you expect; the key lies in viewing life as an adventure and taking everything in stride.

Wanda I. Allen, “Grasshoppers, Purple Bathtubs, and Other Surprises,” Ensign, Aug 2008, 52–53

In Love, Limits and Latitude, three BYU experts in the parenting field offer great counsel to parents centered on three key principles. A few parts that stood out to me:

“Take time to be a real friend to your children. This includes spending time with them, showing affection, praising what they do well, teaching new skills, reading to them, conversing often, and assuring children they are loved during moments of correction.”

“A natural but ineffective response to misbehavior can be to simply demand obedience. One father found that spending positive time with his son encouraged positive behavior much more than shouting or spanking did.”

“President Faust encourage parents to use prayerful discernment as they select consequences for misbehavior. No matter the seriousness of the offense, the method of correction must treat the child with consideration and dignity.”

“Parents need to prepare their children in small steps to govern themselves so that they will be prepared for the day when they eventually leave home.”

“The insights we receive through prayer will help us respond appropriately to their needs and challenges. It helps to remember that parenting is a fluid, dynamic process. It can take time to see the result of our efforts. “

Craig H. Hart, Lloyd D. Newell, and Julie H. Haupt, “Love, Limits, and Latitude,” Ensign, Aug 2008, 60–65

Last week the Ant Bug and I were sorting through some music CDs when we discovered a special lullaby CD. Just prior to the birth of our first child, the Dad and I put together a CD of calming music to play for our little babies. Many of the songs are not technically lullabies, but they are songs that are soothing for us. Some of the songs we included were:

Ashokan Farewell, Fiddle Fever
Blackbird, The Beatles
Lullabye, Peter Breinholt
Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel), Billy Joel
The Voice, Octapella
When You’re Alone, John Williams

But our very favorite lullabies come from Alison Krauss. Here are the words:

Oddly enough, we didn’t end up playing the CD very much for our little baby. But the Ant Bug is loving it now, and has fallen asleep listening to it every night for the past week. This morning she came in to our room laughing and talking about the “back back lie” song. Translation? “Blackbird fly”. The Dad and I told her what the song was really saying, but she still insisted on her version. It’s much more fun.

During my last semester at BYU I obtained an internship through the School of Family Life. I was hired as a research assistant with the Forever Families website, sponsored by BYU and the School of Family Life. My main duties involved gathering research and writing articles to be placed on the Internet. The overarching goal of the site is to strengthen families, using research that is grounded in the principles contained in The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

Most of my time as an intern I spent researching the topic of transitional characters. A transitional character is an individual who filters out the negative behaviors that they have been handed by parents and previous generations, and then passes on more positive behaviors to their children. For example, a daughter has a mother who is an alcoholic and very critical. That daughter recognizes the destructive behavior, and as a result she makes a conscious effort to avoid alcohol and to be positive instead of critical. The change doesn’t happen overnight, and there is a lot more involved than I am writing here (you can read the article to find out more!).

This concept is fairly new, and it’s not something that has been documented in too many places. As a result, research was difficult to come by and I had to dig deep. I wrote three articles on the topic, Becoming A Transitional Character. A long article that includes research references, a short article that summarizes the research and offers practical suggestions for families, and an LDS perspective article.

So, what can you do to become a transitional character in your own family? Here are some brief ideas:
-Develop a vision of yourself as a transitional character.
-Build supportive relationships with strong adults.
-Be deliberate about making changes.
-Celebrate family rituals.
-Create a healthy emotional distance.
-Marry at a later age.
-Read good books about family life.
-Join organizations that can help.
-Get an education.
-Get additional help if needed.

For more information, view the original article on Forever Families.

If you happen to sneeze at our house, you might get more than the standard “Bless you”.

One way that The Dad and I have tried to foster love in our home is through our sneezing ritual. What’s so loving about sneezing, you ask? Read on for a typical sneezing scenario at our home.

The Dad: “sneeze”
Nurture Mama: “Bless you”
The Dad: “sneeze” again
Nurture Mama: “Oh, I love you.”
The Dad: “sneeze” yet again
Nurture Mama: “Oh, I really love you!”

This tradition started when we were first married, and has now grown to include our children. The Ant Bug loves this routine and usually continues the conversation with fake sneezes. I then respond: “Oh, so much love!” and “Lots of love!” and “Hugs and kisses!” and “Loving you forever!”

This is just one of the ways we nurture and show love to each member of our family.

Last night felt like a night of 1000 wake-ups. My sweet B was suffering from a number of irritations: teething and runny nose, numerous mosquito bites, and undoubtedly a headache from the bump she received from a toy carelessly dropped on her head by her sister. I’m sure all of this conspired to give her a very fitful sleep, with wakings every hour all night long. Not to mention two night-wakings from the Ant Bug tossed into the mix, and the result is one grumpy Mama.

But around 3 a.m., as my patience had nearly reached its limit, I thought again of Elder Holland’s words and had to smile. I began debating the size of the shadows under my eyes: certainly bigger than Rhode Island, probably more like Michigan or Minnesota. And I was grateful once again for inspiring, uplifting words.

That is why I have started this blog. To nurture myself and you in all of our mama moments.

In this blog:
My oldest daughter, age three and a half, will be known as The Ant Bug.
My sweet baby, quickly approaching one year old, will be known as The B.
My dear husband will be The Dad.
And I am The Nurture Mama.

The Ant Bug has recently started calling me Mama. I used to be called Mommy or Mom. For awhile she repeatedly inquired “what does Daddy call you?” until she learned my real name. But now she calls me Mama. Is it because we live in the south? I’m not sure what prompted the shift. But I like it.