But the more I read I realized that this book had quite a few good, helpful ideas. I’ve been working on applying some of them, and it’s been nice to have a few new tools in my belt.
The biggest lesson I learned from the book has been this: “This moment is as it is”. You can get upset and angry or yell, or you can take a deep breath and relax. You have control and you have a choice. I have been repeating that phrase to myself multiple times each day, and it’s really helping my perspective. I think it will be my new mantra, with a little addition:
What do you think?
Here are some of my other notes from the book:
“Be patient with yourself”. It takes time to learn new skills.
“Own your own upset”. Take ownership for your own feelings. Notice how often you say, “Don’t make me….” or “You made me…..”. Instead say “I feel…” or “I’m going to…”
“What I focus on, I get more of”. Pay attention: are you focusing on what you want, or on what you don’t want?
Attribute positive intent: this basically means to look for the good and assume positive intentions in those around you. For example, your child didn’t spill the milk on the floor just to spite you. Or, perhaps the car driver who cut you off is on his way to the hospital with a wife in labor!
Teach your children how to get what they want and respect the rights of others by saying to the aggressor:
1) “You wanted_____”
2) “You may not_____. _____ hurts (or, is not safe).”
3) “When you want______, say (or do) _______.”
4) “Do it now! Practice.”
Give children two positive choices as a way of setting limits.
1) “You may _______, or ______.”
2) “What is your choice?”
3) “You chose_____!
Encourage your child by describing what you see.
1) State your child’s name or “Look at you” or “You did it!”
2) Describe exactly what you see (or noticed).
3) Add a tag (optional). “That was helpful” or “Good job” or “Good for you”.